It is Monday morning and I wake up reluctantly to begin the morning routine. I fight multiple battles every morning. A battle for submission from my strong-willed 5 year old son. A battle of patience with my 4 year old son, determined to assert his independence. I fight a battle within myself, fighting my own desires to crawl back in bed and snuggle my boys for a few more minutes. A battle against my laziness and general lack of motivation.
It is an internal, daily fight for me which inspires feelings of doubt and not being good enough. Don’t my husband and sons deserve someone better? Don’t my sons deserve a mom that wakes up extra early and cooks them a nutritious breakfast from scratch? I often wish I could be that mom. The kind of mom who packs pinterest inspired lunches, reads to them every night, and keeps the house perfectly clean. Instead, they get the mom who is obviously losing the battle against dishes and laundry. They are stuck with a mom who feeds them frozen waffles for breakfast and barely gets them to school on time. My failures and doubts consume my thoughts and my fear paralyzes me. I allow these thoughts to overwhelm me as I drive the boys to school.
Stop. I stop at the stop sign. It’s not a busy intersection, but rather a pointless three way stop where I rarely see another car. I stop and check the other stop signs, straight ahead and to the left, but there are no other cars in sight. I look to my right and I find myself unable to move. I am amazed at the beauty I see. To my right is a field. The field is surrounded by rusty barbed wire and is an old cow pasture, but now it stands empty. This morning, the field is bathed in soft sunlight as a cloud of fog lingers by the distant tree line. The dew on the grass sparkles. There is an old, leafless tree in the middle. The tree seems tired, broken, and weary, but the morning sun appears to be shining from within its boughs. The tree alone is far from beautiful, but the light brings life to it and makes it breathtakingly beautiful. It makes me stop.
“Stop.” God whispers to me. I feel his presence. He created me. He designed my strengths and weaknesses. He created my husband for me to love and be loved by in return. He created our boys, strong-willed, independent, and precious. He has entrusted me with their care. He is here, waiting for me to stop, to look for Him, and to remember who I am in Him. Who am I to doubt and compare my life to others? He brings light to the tired, broken, and weary. He fills me with hope, peace, and joy. He fights my battles with me and for me when all my strength is gone. He takes away my doubts and paralyzing fear. He reminds me that alone, I will never be good enough, but “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13
Dear Heavenly Father, please take my thoughts captive and make them obedient to you.
We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5
About the Writer:
Meghan is a wife and stay at home mom to two amazing little boys. She has a heart for service and enjoys working on the Oasis Leadership Team at First Dallas.