NUMB

broken heartA few months ago I was in a horse accident which resulted in a temporary season where I lost feeling and partial use of my left leg, it was numb.  It prevented me from being able to do normal things such as walking or being independent.  God used that time to reveal to me areas in my own heart and life that I had allowed to become numb – areas that had spiritually crippled me, yet my pride and inability to recognize it had prevented me from being able to fully live freely the way God intended. The lessons God taught me can apply to most of us in life.

Numbness is great when we don’t feel the pain, but when we choose to be numb or apathetic in our relationship with Christ, with our spouse, family, or other people who have hurt us, we are not living pain free.  We are believing a lie that everything is fine.  We are preventing healing.  A lack of feeling is a lack of healing.

God has been teaching me about my own numbness in certain areas of my life, as well as reminding me of what He promises to do.  I am a believer and follower of Christ, but truth be known, I am not always boiling over with hotness for Jesus. I get comfortable and then it’s easy to become numb.  When we become numb we are not growing in our faith and walk with Christ, we are backsliding or decaying — inviting death to have victory.

I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot; I wish that you were cold or hot.  So because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of My mouth. Revelation 3:15-16

I started asking the Lord to show me areas in my heart and life where I am numb, and a floodgate opened.  My thoughts, selfish ambitions, vain conceit, pride, and busyness were laced into all the good I did.  Truth was clouded, lost, and poisoned by a tiny thread of sin.  As the Lord lovingly pulled the thread inch by inch, my life, my ministry, and my world unraveled.  I am so thankful for a God who is not numb towards me.

But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved) . .   Ephesians 2:4-5

Part of the healing process is acknowledging the numbness, but the most important part of the healing process is pushing through the pain, asking God to search our hearts (Psalm 139:23-24).  Are you allowing a thread of selfishness, bitterness, busyness, or pride to be woven into your life?  Are you taking time to seek the Lord and allow Him to examine the condition of your heart and mind?  I pray that you will.

About the writer:
Catherine has been married for 16 years, is a mom to two incredible preteens, and caretaker of her father-in-law with dementia.  She works full time along side her husband at their financial planning company.  She is a chronic people pleaser who is constantly coming to the Throne of Grace to refocus her life, pursuits, goals, dreams and time. The top two things she’s most passionate about are: worshipping Jesus in every thing she does, and being transparent so that only God can take credit for every aspect of her life.

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